I struggle to post this as at some point not very long ago, Kara’s X had access to her computer.  So it is assumable that X also knows about this blog.  It is hard though to not post what you know and what you are thinking in the present out of fear of waking the giant or stirring the pot.  But you can’t live your life or your blog walking on eggshells either.  Fine Line.

In counseling we learned that abusers have a pattern.  Every abuser may have a different pattern but a pattern nonetheless.  Kara’s X has a few patterns, right before he is about to make waves he becomes quiet.  Really quiet.  Scary quiet.  He becomes agreeable (to some very small degree), harassing emails slow down and it’s like he has a plot in place.  The quiet is a good time for prayer and reflection, a good time to store up energy, a good time to brace yourself for the inevitable.  Taking advantage of the quiet means not living in fear, rather living in confidence you are doing everything you can to do the right thing.

Do you see predictable patterns with your X?  Please share what they are…I would love to hear!



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About movedbyfaith

On a journey that will test the definition of friendship. Find ourselves encountering life's most twisted questions. 2 women brought together by chance but a bond that stands the tests of time, domestic violence, and through it all hope beyond hope. We hope you find yourself Moved to act, Moved to be bold, Moved to be inspired, Moved By Faith.

15 responses »

  1. not my ex, but with the father, he would chew on his bottom lip and when he did that, i knew he was angry and was going to blow at anytime.

    • That would be the worst as a kid to see him do that, so intimidating.

      • it totally was!
        still was as an adult

      • Is he still alive or are you still in touch with him?

      • both parents are still alive but no contact try as they might.

      • Oh good! Separation is probably what you need to heal. I am sorry you never got to experience the joy of a good father. My dad was incredible. Supportive, Loving, Kind, he died unexpectedly last year. But my time with him was precious and treasured beyond words. Do you have another man in your life that you look up to as a good man? I think women need good men in their life. Even us “grown up” girls need a good man.

      • yes it seems to be the consensus around here in regards to the parents…lol
        what a precious gift to have such a wonderful relationship with your father…i am so very sorry you lost him and suddenly at that. how are you doing with that?

      • I miss him like crazy but he was a good Christian man. He accepted God into his life and began truly following Him 9 years before he died. I have comfort in knowing he is with God but I miss him more than words can express.

      • i can’t even imagine how much you would miss him. so comforting to know that he is with the almighty and you will see him again!

      • oh ya i think i forgot to answer your question about a man…i have a wonderful supportive Hubby and i am so grateful for him…if you mean another father figure, i don’t have that, but i have just moved recently and still don’t know anyone.

      • That is awesome about finding a good husband. I think Kara worries about finding a good man someday. I love how you have someone to rely on.

      • i am so grateful for him…it was a miracle how we were brought together :)

      • Hi, this is Kara. I have been following your blog “buckwheatsrisk”. I think it is a blessing your husband can at times identify your triggers before even you can. An example, being when you were on the phone with him when he was driving, and mad at another driver. From experience I know once I know something is a trigger, it makes it easier to deal and move on!

      • Hi Kara,

        Thank you so much for following. It truly is a blessing when he can do that! It saves a fight for starters as he knows my reaction is not personal and judging him.. and you’re right, it really helps to know that it is a trigger and I can move on much easier…thank you so much for commenting and i’m so sorry you know first hand xo

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