Living in the aftermath is tough. By no means is this post a discouragement to those who leave, or a way to tell women to stay with an abuser. This is just my expression on how tough it can be, as right as it feels knowing I am doing my personal best to rebuild a future for myself and my kids.
“Co-parenting” is a battle. You have teachers, doctors, you name it, all these figures in your child’s life that communicate with both parents. How many of these people see the bigger picture? How many people around actually get the dynamics played in this type of “co-parenting”?
I’m not going to go in to detail, but enough to get the gist. My ex likes to look for the weak link in any system and prance on it. Recently, he found one of my daughter’s teacher who was just that, the weak link. He looked to break a rule, that prior teachers had enforced. This teacher was afraid to make him upset with her. The conversation I had with her started with her saying this: Don’t be mad at me, but…” .There I was taking the issue to the assistant director, once again doing damage control.
Damage Control - an effort to minimize or curtail damage or loss
“Co-parenting” is a lot of damage control. Get a good counselor, talk to a counselor who works with kids. I know in my situation it is tough to get my child in counselling, but there is always a way to get expert advise. There are people who want to help your children and yourself.
I would be lying if I say I don’t find a lot of people who do more damage than good when I go to seek help. I have been seen as a mom just looking to gain more custody. A bitter ex. This at times has thrown me back so many steps, causing me to go into mini depressions. These setbacks are part of the journey.
These setbacks make hope and promise look dim. Faith. This word alone carries me through the dark, painful setbacks. Friendships and Family. During these times I lean on my main supporters just a bit more than on ”normal” days. Then when I reach the end of the tunnel, I have once again beat a statistic of returning to my abuser, or falling apart. I make it to the other side, time and time again.
If you are someone in the tunnel, keep chugging forward because there is a light, and each step gets you there, as small as it may be.