Why doesn’t she just leave?
The million dollar question. That look you get when you say the forbidden words “domestic violence”. The quiet it evokes when dv comes up in a conversation.
“Why don’t these women just leave?” Isn’t it interesting that no one ever asks the more pertinent question: “Why don’t these abusers just stop?” But putting that to one side, the more important point is this: Abused women do leave. They leave all the time. Against all odds, often at enormous risk, they leave. Taken from Family and Friends’ Guide to Domestic Violence by Elaine Weiss, Ed.D
Often I try to put myself in her shoes. Dealing daily with the control. I remember Kara describing to me how difficult it would be when he would walk through the door. She never knew what she was supposed to say or do. If she could do exactly as he wanted he was pleased. If she could be his puppet it would spare her a night of abuse. He had rules about everything. Very little she could do without following a specific rule about what it was she was supposed to be doing. If their wasn’t a rule in place and she made a decision, without consulting him first it was a wild ride of how wrong she was. NOTHING Kara said or did would ever ever be the right way. She would do everything in her power to do it right. However it didn’t matter it was wrong anyways.
Coming to the realization she needed to leave and making the steps to do so was painfully hard. It would be giving up the dream. It would mean leaving the safety net of living the life he has scripted. Freedom would come at a price. Liberating but not without tremendous struggle.